How To Scare The Love Of Your Life Away (Without Really Trying)
by ObsessedBabe
Summary: Jesse and Rachel find themselves lost in their marriage, sudden realizations and big differences will mark their paths. Years go by and as always they find they re way back to each other, just this time, maybe too much of a time has gone by and their hearts struggle to meet. St. Berry/ Finchel/ St. Fabray
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! So, this is the first fanfic I´ve ever posted here, I am really thrilled about it being a St. Berry one. To tell you the truth about me, I´ve written a lot of stuff all through this year but it wasn't until now that I felt like this idea might really be of your liking.**

 **This story IS ST. BERRY, although I might warn you I can be persuaded other way, so you better tell me what you like the most and I´ll write about that. In advance, thank you to everyone that is taking a chance on this new story that is written by, frankly, such a noob on this thing xD**

 **Also another thing that I feel is important here: Finn is not dead, he´s in Ohio, teaching at McKinley and stuff. As a St. Berry shipper I don´t like when Finn gets too involved between my babies and all that but his presence is necessary to spice up this story a bit ;) drama and such things people seem to hate loving. And I think that is mainly all I have to say before I stop disturbing your reading, sorry, please enjoy!**

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Rachel Berry had been married to Jesse St. James for four years now, after two amazing years of being just boyfriend and girlfriend. They shared an irrevocable connection, nobody could deny that.

Rachel had just won her first Tony on best actress for the play Jesse had been directing "Jane Austen Sings" it had been a real hit, all the city talked about how great of a job it was and what a breathtaking voice the female lead had. It was then when Rachel found herself in the highlight of her life. Jesse wanted a kid of his own but after Rachel had surrogated for Kurt and Blaine, she needed time and well, honestly, she was in the lack of wanting to do it again. She wasn't going to give up the best time of her life for...a baby; no matter how much Jesse wanted one.

"Rach, just think about how adorable it would be. He or she would've certainly won on the genes lottery." Rachel smiled at her husband. She wasn't going to deny that the image of a curly haired and browned eye baby hadn't crossed her mind, but she was as reluctant at the idea as ever.

"Won't happen." She declared coldly for the third time that night. Jesse frowned.

"Are you seriously telling me, you don't want to have a baby with me? I mean, I am Jesse St. James." He said smirking and Rachel rolled her eyes. She also has to admit that while that charming smirk used to melt her down to the bone, today it just meant Jesse wanted something from her and obviously the gesture didn't hold as much magic as it used to.

"That's not what I'm saying, at all. I do want to have a baby with you...just not right now."

"Why not now? We're in the best place ever! This is the time to have a baby if you asked me." Rachel gave him a face with her brows arched and her mouth grimacing just the tiniest. "Well, it is. You and I are doing great, we're economically stable. We're happy." He held her hand and tried to show the best puppy dog eye face he had. Rachel didn't fall for that one either.

"Jesse, I get you. I want us to start a family just as badly. It's just that, I want to be focused on my career right now." His face changed its expression after and he nodded heavily.

"Is your career more important than us, then?" Asked Jesse whose face was serious with no expression on it.

"Jesse, don't ask me that."

"It should be easy to answer this, Rachel." She felt her mouth wanting to open and spill out what she thought, but she didn't want to hurt her marriage more. So she just stayed quiet. "Well, I guess that is my answer. I'm sleeping on the couch." He jumped out of bed, grabbed his pillow and stormed out.

Jesse didn't insist anymore after that night. The other day, however, they did had another fight.

"Good morning." Rachel said only half smiling, too afraid of how his attitude might be. She knew this was her fault; Jesse was the most important thing in her life, but only at times it seemed like her career on Broadway was just partially more important, and she hated herself for thinking that way.

"Hi." He said almost murmuring. "I made coffee if you want some, it's in the coffee pot. Have a nice day." He exited the kitchen and Rachel followed. She wanted to apologize before he left.

"Jesse, wait, please." He was just about to touch the doorknob, but he didn't, instead turned around to see his wife. He gave her a defiant look and clenched his jaw; he wasn't one to hide his feelings. "I'm sorry, please forgive me."

"For what?" He asked quickly.

"For yesterday."

"Rachel, you don't need to apologize." He started harshly. "You do want kids, just not with me, just not right now. I get it, I'm not going to hold the blame against you. And somehow, I think it is better this way...what kind of kid likes a work obsessed mom who's only half human and only half feels? You can ask me, I had that, and I don't wish that for any kid, especially not mine. So, have a nice day." He looked at her in the eyes, just so she could watch that this time when he was the one confronting, that this time that he was not holding an egg on his hand; his soul was not cracking at every second.

And of course, they wouldn't talk to each other in a week, which, according to Kurt was just watching how love destroys itself. That was just what he said when Rachel came to see him after Jesse spent the night at his old apartment.

"I feel like I ruined everything Kurt." Rachel cried, drying the tears that were coming out. "He won't even sleep in the same house as me, I feel like he hates me."

"Sweetie, of course he doesn't hate you." Kurt suited, while hugging his best friend. "He's just hurt. Jesse needs some time to heal this by himself." Kurt frowned at the sudden realization he'd just had. "Rachel, what even caused the problem?" Rachel looked at the ground, a little ashamed of what had happened. She considered in silence if she should twist her actions and maybe get herself walking straight out of it, and then she just realized what a selfish woman she had become.

"It wasn't anything mayor." She began. And Kurt gave her a skeptical look. "Well, it didn't start as anything mayor." Rachel admitted. "Jesse had been talking about babies for months and I always told him no, for always the good reasons but a week ago he asked me the real reason and I just told him the truth..." She stopped.

"Which is?"

"My career, I want to be focused on my career." That was the truth finally, but that wasn't the end of the story.

"Well, sweetie, I think he is totally overreacting." Rachel stared at the ground a little too long to get away with it. "There is more, isn't it?" Rachel nodded.

"He asked me if my career was more important than us." Kurt didn't say anything he just kept waiting.

"And what did you answer?" He asked after the too long of a silence.

"I asked him to not ask me that, he told me the question should be easy to answer, it really should've and he said that he had his answer. He slept on the couch that night and I thought he was being such a drama queen but the day after, I started thinking that it wasn't just it, he basically told me I was heartless and that I deserved nothing but loneliness, and it confirmed what I was thinking."

"Rach, you do know you don't have to blame anything on yourself."

"That's not true Kurt. He deserves somebody better, someone who isn't a terrible wife, someone who do cares if he's sleeping at the house with me or not, someone who doesn't know what to do if he goes because he's your husband, not your director." Rachel started crying again. "I love him Kurt, and I don't want him to leave, but I'm pushing him away and I don't know how to stop."

Later after Kurt had calmed her down enough; Blaine had arrived with baby Tracy from their walk to the park and Rachel had to go to her home. She found Jesse in the living room when she opened the door. He looked up to see her and then without a thought went back to what he was doing.

"What is all this?" Rachel asked, watching all the opened carton boxes all over the place.

"Don't worry, I'll clean up and go before you notice." He said coolly.

"No, it's okay." Rachel took a couple steps closer to him to get a clearer view of what he was doing. "What photo are you looking for? Maybe I can help you find it." She offered, after watching the revolved memories kept inside boxes.

"My mom asked me for a wedding picture of you and me, she says she doesn't have any. I don't know why she asks four years later..." Rachel chuckled softly, walked up to their bookshelf and started looking.

"You're not going to find any on that box. They're all actually on that photo album my dads gave to us, remember?" Jesse sighed and nodded. Rachel found the album and opened it on exactly the first page, took out the photo and handed it to Jesse. "You should maybe, just take a copy of that and sent it to her, I don't want to lose that photo." Jesse twitched his mouth into what he could do of a smile.

"Thank you, Rachel. I'll clean up this mess." Jesse said.

"No, no. Don't worry, I'll do that for you, really, it'll keep me busy."

"Are you sure?" He said, raising one brow.

"Yes," Rachel assured. "Say hello to Constance for me."

Jesse nodded one more time and exited his house. After he had closed the door he could breathe normally again.

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"Jesse." Blaine greeted, with that sort of psychopath smile all of that McKinley glee kids used to have. "How are you doing? I heard you and Rachel are having trouble?"

Jesse hated to be stalked by Rachel's friends when he was pacifically walking out of his building. It was what they always did, since the first time he and Rachel had their first important fight that if he recalled well was about using the other one's space for hair products, just when they had moved in together; that problem after a while solved itself, they just didn't care anymore. But this problem wasn't going to be solved that easy, at all.

"Hi, Blaine, I am doing well, how about you?" Blaine seemed to be taken aback but kept walking with Jesse.

"I-uh, am fine as well, thank you. And about that question that involved Rachel..." Jesse walked into a café, followed by Blaine.

"Care to join me?"

They grabbed a table and both ordered a black coffee.

"Look, I will talk to you about Rachel because I know Kurt sent you here and that if you come back with no answers you guys will have trouble as well because as usual you two have taken sides and as usual they're the opposites. So Kurt can't stand to talk to me now because Rachel is his best friend and you of course think that Rachel has been insensitive and that I'm right, not that you could be blamed of, and of course whatever information I provide you of is going to determinate who are you two supportive of, am I missing something else?" Blaine frowned.

"No, actually no." He admitted.

"I know my wife wants to focus on her career right now and it's not like we're running out of time to have kids, I wouldn't be so mad if it was just about that, but there's something else; we don't click anymore Blaine, and it is starting to affect me, however Rachel always seems to be delivered the news late and I am waiting for her to realize that."

"So, you're going to leave her?" Blaine asked, shaken.

Blaine delivered Jesse's answer to Kurt, who thought it wasn't any of his business anymore and that he preferred being left out of trouble. They decided to wait, just like Jesse had.

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 **AND THEN…go ahead and leave me a review if you liked it, please? Lol**

 **I may as well warn you that if you are from the other fandoms such as St. Fabray and Finchel this first chapters are NOT for you, but if you´ll like to stay with me until you see something you do like, it´ll be appreciated, I have to admit that I do like a good little St. Fabray once in a while and Finchel does have its magic, I won´t be stubborn. Thanks for reading ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Thank** **you for the reviews and the alerts, I am so excited, this is like a new passion I found and I want nothing but to be good at it, even if it takes a while, sorry if this is really bad, you can tell me but only in a constructive critic, please xD enjoy!**

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It's been a month since Jesse sort of moved out of their town house. The town house they always dreamt of since they lived on their first apartment together. The day they realized they had no more need to live in such a tiny space, they just ignored it for a while until they had finally outgrown the place and it was time to move out. The search was thrilling stuff really, but it also took three months and a half. They searched Manhattan and Brooklyn, even stopped by New Jersey and it was like they had traveled all land and sea, there wasn't anywhere left to look and with their specific tastes they went a lot pickier than Kurt and Blaine had been. They were about to take some place at 82nd and west street when their real state called them and told them this house was available, they ran all through the city and when they saw it, they instantly loved it. Moving day had been one of their greatest memories; they had insisted to every friend in town that they could do it on their own, and at the end when neither of them knew how to maneuver the heaviest furniture they had ever had without breaking the staircase, they gave up and instead just slept in the living room, covered with the sheets they had on the truck and couldn't have been happier.

And while today Jesse was just there to pack another suitcase of clothes, Rachel could still remember that night when Jesse told him how much he loved her. The night he asked her to marry him.

 _"Rach, what are you thinking of?" He asked, while they both were staring at the ceiling, too tired to do anything else._

 _"Funny Girl." She said simply, and Jesse instantly knew it weren't good memories._

 _"Your voice is a gift Rach, you know it is." He grabbed her hand and Rachel smiled, trying to mostly keep her memories in a good place._

 _For years she had been able to put those horrible voices full of shame and disappointment aside from her thoughts and when the play Funny Girl came to her ears she tried to just think about how much of an amazing opening night she had had and what the papers had said the next day._

 _"I sometimes feel like going back to NYADA was a mistake, I mean, I flunked out yet again. Broadway was calling me and I just dismissed it for fencing lessons." She spoke spitefully to herself._

 _"Hey," he turned on his pillow and looked at her in the eyes. "You made the right choice, you went with your gut, remember? And I'll always be proud of you for it, no matter what happened next. And besides, you'll always be my Segovia Shade." Rachel smiled at Jesse independently of what she was still feeling. "I love you, you know that, right?" Rachel nodded._

 _"I love you, too, Jesse St. James." She said, before kissing him and start to play with his hair like she always loved to._

 _"Rach, you know you're the only one for me, you always have been in spite of my vague attempts to ignore that. You have this pull on me that I cannot deny and everybody knows that." He took a long breath. "I've been carrying this around for long enough, I promised to myself that I wouldn't ask this until we found our home and, well, we have. Rachel, I want you to be my one and only for eternity and I want you to be the one to hold a grab on my heart that is this big forever, because I know this love for you won't ever stop, even if I ever tried to push myself against it. I want to be part of your life for as long as you'll have me. You are the one for me, so, Rachel Barbra Berry, will you marry me?"_

They couldn't have been more happy and excited for the next six months. Jesse refused to have a wedding in Ohio. Rachel asked Shelby to be one of her braids maids because, finally, she had been the one to bring them together; Beth was the flower girl. Rachel was a fall bride, because she always loved autumn in New York. The wedding went perfectly, everybody made sure of that, after all it was Rachel and Jesse, ultimate drama queens.

"Jesse." She called out to him from the doorframe; he kept packing, didn't say anything but somehow Rachel knew he was listening. "Are you leaving me?" She had struggled with the question on her sleep for long enough now. That seemed to get Jesse's attention and he sighed before sitting down on the bed.

"Here, sit down, Rach." He palmed the bed and Rachel hesitantly took the sit beside him.

"Well...are you?" She insisted, her voice fighting to not crack.

"I love you, you know that, right?" Rachel let a tear rush down her face and nodded heavily, she took a shaky breath in. Rachel knew what was coming.

"And I love you, too, Jesse St. James." Rachel gulped down, looking everywhere but Jesse's eyes, if she did that, it instantly would break her down, and he knew that, so Jesse didn't insist.

"Rach, I understand how much you want to just stay focussed on your career, on your dreams, because you're living them and you don't know how much I love to see you do it. And for a while, by your side was the place to do that, but I think it no longer is..."

"I'll have a baby if that's what it takes for you to not go, don't leave me alone Jesse, please." Jesse shook his head and frowned concerned at Rachel.

"No, beautiful, that is not what it takes, it never has and it never will. You know why I'm doing this, deep inside, you know why."

"I really don't." She said, still crying.

"Rach, you need time to focus on yourself, to be by yourself for quite a while now. I want to have a family, and you're telling me and yourself you're ready for it, but you're not. I want us to be happy, even if it means that we have to go on different paths from now on, but you know that I'll always love you and you'll always be the one for me." He leaned down to kiss her; he pressed his lips against hers desperately, getting the last of what he could take of their love, then his lips moved tender just to remind himself of every sweet piece of what they had lived through. And when he walked out of their house he had absolutely no regrets; he had let himself love like any hopeless man would've; he had taken chances and had found the most beautiful thing in the world in Rachel. No regrets indeed.

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 **I know this one is kinda short but it had to end up like this because of how the next chapter develops (time jump…but shhh) I really hope you liked it, leave a review if you did ;)**


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